Anthony Morelli's Biggest Catch to Date

Cheswick, PA--Penn State quarterback Anthony Morelli caught a 40-pound, 44-inch flathead catfish. All while his father Greg was picking up fat girls in Clyde & Patties Bar. The big catfish was nicknamed Galen and was T-Bone's (Morelli's nickname in the streets of Penn Skillz) biggest catch during his illustrious career at the University of Penn State. Greg can lay his head to sleep at night knowing that his son fulfilled his dream. Tyler Reed a former UPS lineman said, "I never went to UPS for football, everyone knows you go there to fish. And Anthony showed us all how it was done."

Anthony will soon be on the bass master's pro tour. He already

informed the National Football League of his decision and asked

not be contacted or drafted. One GM told Boner Boy off the record,

"Anthony could never pass the wonderlic test." Former Pitt coach

Walt Harris was asked about T-Bone's future as a QB in the NFL,

"He should stick to fishing in the Allegheny. Tony decommitted from

Pitt the night we gave him the playbook. He couldn't get past the contents."

This Old Milwaukee is for you Morelli family, "It just don't get better than this!"

PSU, OSU reeling from 178th scandal in ten years

Photo: Ohio State Fans minutes

after viewing Boner's PSU YouTube Video

BP's system nearly crashed from all the emails concerning Boner Boy brilliant PSU video post.

It shows some Penn State rascals giving a group of Ohio State boys an old-fashioned razzing.

Well, it seems the administration is now suddenly taking offense.

Their position?

Players beating up students at a party, sexually assaulting someone, stealing things,

cleaning out the stadium, and a coach's road rage may be one thing.

But these 'spirited' fans nearly tarnished the folksy down-home family vibe that envelopes

JoePa's happy valley.

Here's an excerpt from a carefully worded letter that no doubt has any number of rich frat guys quaking:

As Associate to the President for Administration, I help Dr. Spanier address the important issues that are brought to his attention. Thank you for sharing your concerns about the behavior of some of our fans. Media accounts following the game indicated that fans were spirited, but overall exhibited better behavior, so I am disappointed to see the youtube video.
Our Office of Police Services is investigating it in an attempt to identify those involved.

(Tom PooleThomas G. Poole,

Ph.D.Associate to the President for Administration)

Says longtime OSU booster Maurice Clarett:

"Shock. I can't believe it. I mean it's like damn.

Fun is fun. But this is some F-Upped Sh** up

in this bitch. What a disgrace."

Brad69 tells BP, "I must concur with Mr Clarett. I was one of the Ohio State 3 pelted with Natural Light. After the attack I took off down I-80 faster than Troy Smith through the Longhorns D-Line."

Happy Halloween to Wanny & G-Rob

Here's To You Mr Robinson

Lifetime Presents: Shattered Dildo, The Greg Robinson Story.

How bad is it in Syracuse? These guys can't even get a proper FireGregRobinson site going.

It's under construction; Guess they're waiting to be 2-7 before really devoting themselves to it.

Mayor Luke is very disturbed that he is pgh native:

This is for our buddy from pittblather

I am sorry, I don't want to fight. I really like that you visit our board and we try to be as constructive as possible. Feel free to visit as much as possible.

Syracuse Graduation Song for Tim Benz

This is really freaking sad. Boner Boy is going to throw up on Saturday morning if he hears anyone sing this song.

Greg Robinson's Pregame Chant

I think I am going to puke.

2-6 Orange Ready to Make a Move

Incredible.
This is the lift the Blue Panthers needed to get back on track.

"I really look forward to this month and I don't mean that I’m looking past Pitt at all," said head coach Greg Robinson. "It's the BIG EAST and this is the exciting time of the year when you have to make your move. To me it's exciting. It's really what you're looking for and I'd like our football to show that there is still a lot of development left in them and that they are ready to make a move."

Your Life Is Waiting

We've caught a lot of flak lately for not posting much.
Dozens of fans have demanded to know why we would throw away
an amazing blog that gets thousands of hits a day.
The answer is easy-
we're fucking depressed.
That one hurt.
Big time.
Yeah, other blogs can bounce back. Post all sorts of things.
But we got sucked in and actually thought for a fleeting moment
that the curse had been lifted;
that the dull gray fog of incompetence had been dispelled.
Bottomline-- we're the dumb ones.
The fools who just don't get it.
Once again, the joke is on us.
It's no secret Boner wears his heart on his sleeve.
And Hangman is just weak.
You might says-- "Whatever you jagoffs, you're not funny and your blog sucks anyway"
You're right.
We do suck.
But did you see McCoy crying?
You're not a true fan if that didn't get to you.
This one is for you Shady.

Boner Boy Comments on his Pitt depression

Hangman in pitt depression-turns to lite rock

Coincidence?

Rumors out of Lincoln, Nebraska are that Marc Boehm left with Steve Pederson who was recently shitcanned. Marc who is very loyal to Steve stormed out of interim AD Tom Osbourne's office. Marc apparently wanted Tom to hire Steve back as an associate AD because it was Rocketman's "DREAM JOB." But Osbourne became very mad and told Boehm or Bum as some like to call him, "Get the hell out of my office, in fact, stay out of the state of Nebraska." So where would Marky Marc go? He called some contacts at Pitt and nobody would call him back. He then tried some local high schools in the Pittsburgh area, but the only offer came from Springdale High School. But Bum wasn't enamored with that opportunity so he went North to Syracuse my sources are telling me. Bum had one more contact left and it was Otto the Orange. Otto was getting up there in age, 78 as a matter of fact. He wanted to hand down the uniform to someone else that would take pride in wearing the little orange costume. But Otto need to find a small, bald man that could do it. Then it was a magical coincidence when Marky Marc Bum called! Look for Marc this weekend at Heinz Field, he should be bouncing around in Otto's uniform just like he did when he wore old Bubble Boy's garb. Way to go Marc, its a perfect fit!

Hang Loose

In front of 34,000 fans Penny Semia finished 45 large papa john's pizzas. Hell Pitt can get 34,000 in the stadium this season and we don't even have our own stadium! Back to Penny--his performance was almost as good as Dorin Dickerson's. Dorin where have you gone?

White out

blog this

Shitbag

Message to Boner, Ape: Where we have been, Where we are going

With less than 24 hours to go, BP has been deluged with emails

asking for inspiration and guidance.

As always:

Breaking News: Furious Pitt Fans Cancel Trip

This just in-
Angry about the surprise win over the Bearcats, a group of disgruntled Pitt 'fans' abruptly cancelled their bus trip to L-ville this week.
The group, headed by 3 ex-Golden Panthers, made the call to abort after realizing they have nothing in common if the team isn't losing.
Not wanting to risk awkward small talk across the Ohio turnpike, Fox Chapel Mike commented, "It's simply too long a trip to take a chance on. Frankly, none of us care that much about each other's families and golf talk only gets you to Wheeling. After that, you're looking at a death march. Damn that Wannstedt."
The rest of the group included both front runners and a number 'subway' alumni desperate to fit in.
Craigslist mid-west manager Gus Ruski says the batch of 26 tickets will truly test the auction site's capabilities, "Tough one for sure. The internet sure as hell wasn't designed for this shit. My life's work reduced to a joke in one fell swoop. I should have stayed in school and married Carla. Not to mention Card fans are calling for boycott. What a joke."

Warning: BP found out the hard way, if asked to a barbecue in Louisville, politely decline

Hangman's Second Investigative Report From Louisville

Not sure who Carl is, or why he punches like a donkey, but this town is sick.

Louisville Barbecue Party

"When you give someone a hot carl, and while they are watching you, eat your own feces. When they puke, their vomit will mix with the shit on their face, looking like a sloppy Kentucky barbecue.
Denise said she wanted to get down and dirty, so i donkey punched that hoe and gave her the ol Louisville Barbecue Party"

BP World Exclusive: Walt Inches Closer To Comeback, Boner

Incredible Breaking News Tonight.

This picture was snapped by a member of the BP army.

'Wide Receive U' Walter 'Not My Fault' Harris spotted out and about.
Sexy Pittsburgh girlfriend in tow.

(Sweet too, taking a page from her beau's playbook- she refused to face the field when the defense was playing)

The word is-- the couple accidently wandered into the Brashear/Allderdice game while looking to avoid Pitt fans.

Interesting, this was the first time Walter had ever been to a local high school game.
The awestruck coach told those in crowd, "This is amazing. If I had known there were local players & local high schools this close to Pitt, hell we could have talked to their coaches. Recruited their players, even gotten them to play for us. Why didn't anyone say anything?"

By the third quarter, witnesses say Walter was desperate, mumbling about west coast offenses, a lack of focus, and the ability to execute.

Even worse, a source tells BP that during the final play of the game-- Walt provoked the Cupples Stadium crowd by removing his Tampa Bay Bucs hat, flapping his arms, and screaming for the quarterback to slide like a South Side biaatch into the hard pan.

Postscript: Walter Harris is now on the short list of Pitt AD candidates. BP wishes him the best of luck.

Herman Talks Breakdown Again, Money Cited

Many of you are in the dark about Munster-gate.

Well, it's something that's been festering for days now-- and

threatens to detroy this very blog.

Basicially, Herman wants to be a Blue Panthers contributor.

However, given that a whopping 5 people read this blog yesterday,

it's not a position that comes lightly.

So... the question is: just who is Herman?
After a full vetting (which included a google image search on girls I knew in high school)

there are 2 immediate red flags:

#1: Herman's non-sexual crush on this guy:

Yeah. I just outed him. He likes Eddie Money. Digs him a little too much.

"So what" you say? You try listening to a drunken rendition of Take Me Home Tonight

after that f'ing disasterous UConn game.

BTW: Hangman is less concerned about E-Money himself, than that particular song was Herman's 'go-to' song in a time of crisis. Not in my foxhole buddy, not in my foxhole.

#2. Herman has a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome from years of writing on betting sheets. Nothing is sadder than watching Herman wander the gold lot trying to find a quiet spot in which to put 2 bills on Grand Valley State. Get some help son.

Bottomline: Show me something Herm, you've got it in you. Also you still owe me the vig from the Baylor game.

Contract Negotiations Have Hit a Roadblock

Earlier this week, The Pitt Blue Panthers engaged in contract negotiations with Herman Munster. We got the lead from Monster.com and we knew nobody out there on the free agent market is better than Herman when it comes to reporting the news.

Herman graduated from Robert Morris University but is a season ticket holder to both Pitt football and basketball games. Herman's measurements are 6' 5" 285lbs. He once told me he would fight everyone on Pitt's team with the exception of Tommie Duhart and Chris Jacobson. Hangman has been trying to sign Herman to a multi-year deal, but the contract still hasn't been signed. What's the holdup? Well according to Hangman, "Herman wants way too much Jim Beam. So much that we just couldn't agree to a deal." We asked Hangman if there was anything else that could get Herman to agree to a contract with The Pitt Blue Panthers? Hangman replied, "yeah there is one thing that Herman wants--it's to fight the entire state of West Virginia." Stay tuned, Herman might get his chance on Dec. 1st.

New Cart for Wanny if he Beats L'Ville

Dateline--Pittsburgh, PA. Apparently Mark Nordenberg has promised Coach Wannstedt that if he beats the Cardinals on Saturday, then he will get to pick out his new cart of choice. Nordy as his friends call him, said the choices are unlimited. "If Dave wins on Saturday, it's time for an upgrade and he can choose any golf cart he likes. I want him to use this as motivation for Saturday's huge game vs. the 4-4 Cardinals. Dave definitely deserves a new ride if he comes home victorious! If he doesn't, well then, fun riding home on your rascal."

Dave's current cart: THE RASCAL

One of Dave's dream carts: THE ESCALADE

Dave's wife's choice: THE PINK FLAMINGO

Soiled Pants on the South Side

It's just not Joe Paterno soiling his pants, apparently so are the Pitt players. Boner Boy has learned through his sources that many of the Pitt players got food poisoning this week at the South Side Complex. Yep that's right, the Rooney's are serving up a big meat pie. This news was just learned this morning and we are unsure if this will have anything to do with the outcome of Saturday's game. Buddy Morris made the guys were diapers yesterday during conditioning and he also handed out packages of imodium AD so no player would drop a bomb in the weight room.

Pitt's Secret Weapon--THE POLTERGEIST ON WHEELS

Blogging From Lu-Ville

Team BP Sends Hangman To Louisville, the first in a series of investigative reports

If you know Hangman- you know the first thing he does when arriving in a new city
is to check out the goth dating scene.

Well, wouldn't you know it-- this is front page, breaking news
in Louisville's Herald-Leader.

Louisville couple to compete on new season of ‘Amazing Race’

A Louisville couple will compete on the 12th season of The Amazing Race. CBS’s hit reality competition show will pit Kynt Cothron, 31, and Vyxsin Fiala, 29, against 10 other teams as they race around the world.
CBS describes Cothron and Fiala as “dating Goths” who work as servers and hair salon receptionists with an “‘us against the world’ mentality.”
--
There you have it.
Dating Goth receptionists who are against world.

Damn them
Damn these Cardinals.
Damn this godless town.

-Reporting In Louisville-
Hangman.

MAJOR BREAKING NEWS

PLEASE CLICK TO ENLARGE SECRET MEETING PICTURE....

Giant Boner has discovered that a double secret meeting occurred today. GB even got a picture of the meeting at Nordy's office.

What was this hush hush meeting all about?

Well, Nordy gathered all of the AD candidates together to let them know what was to be expected out of Pitt's next AD.

Afterall, Internet message boards and blogs have been going crazy since Jeff Shlong left

Pitt for West Virginia Southern aka Arkansas. Posters have come up with a list of candidates and submitted it to Nordy and Jerry. This list was the only information that the Chancellor and his committee used in the search. Every single name that was on this list, was at

today's morning meeting. The picture shows just who the candidates are (from left to right): Mike Ditka, Marty Schottenheimer, Donna Sanft, Nordy, Tom Donahoe, Dave Wannstedt, Marc

Boehm, and Steve Pederson. Nordy really has listened to all of the Rivals and Scout message board posters-- including one ass named Smallz aka Shady. Initially, Nordy was never going to consider Tom Donahoe but Giant Boner's sources have let us know that Tom is now in the driver's seat to become Pitt's next AD.

Great work Smallz! "Why wouldn't you want to consider the man that drafted Troy Edwards in the top 10 of the NFL draft as our next AD? He has plenty of years of experience as an athletic director too," said Nordy as he walked out of the meeting today.

A couple of things worry me with this picture. 1) Why is Donna Sanft concerned with looking over her shoulder at her former classmate Dave Wannstedt? 2) Why is Dave in the corner? And

last but not least, 3) How come Marc Boehm is at the head of the table??? Stay tuned for more AD search updates from Giant Boner and Smallz the man with the biggest internet fists. Reporting from The Syria-Lebanon Nationality Room in the Cathedral of Learning, I am Giant Boner.

PS--not one of these clowns will get hired, but we had to laugh here at the Pitt Blue Panthers over all these internet experts.

So Long Trenni We Will Miss You

Go Marquette!

Newest Member of the Pitt Blue Panthers Team:

We are still seaching for Paul Failla to join our team.

Paul "The Former IUP Quarterback" where are you???

Shortest Tenure Ever at Pitt:

Thanks Darnell Dodson, good look in JUCO. Hope you get a chance to stay longer at your next school.

Sincerely,

Jovanny Ward

I have to tell you something....

"Did you hear about the other Panther blog--racists I tell you!!!"

Pitt's Newest Fan

Saturday was a very important day
on two fronts: 1) Pitt snapped a 4 game
losing streak and more importantly
2) Pitt gained a new fan.

His name is Ronald and he resides in
the North Side of Pittsburgh. Ronny
is a real estate investor and is now an avid
Pitt fan. He even predicted that Pitt
would win on Saturday. Look for Ronny
to be at the Syracuse and South Florida
tailgaters. Ronny is currently living
with Apeface in North Park while his
condo in the Mexican War Streets is
redone. When not busy making
real estate deals, Ronny is a part-time
sale rep for Geico. He also loves Miller
Lite, bowling, and arts & crafts. Pitt
gained a huge fan on Saturday, let's
all hope that Ronny is the difference
maker at Papa John's Stadium this
weekend!

--Boner Boy reporting

Pic sent from wanny's phone-- thanks coach!

Blue Exclusive: Wanny's War Room

Only on Blue Panthers: Picture of Press Box used by Wanny during the game.











BP Poll Question:

Who is the bigger D-Bag, the guy who put a paper bag over his head when the score was 10-3 (saw you in the club seats dumbass) or the 'fan' who left during the third quarter?
(answer below)






Answer: Guy who left early is worse. Even this serial killer stayed the entire game.
Spotted driving erratically up Rt 28 immediately afterward, the killer remarked, "While many of my crimes are rage-based, this is the first time in ten years I haven't wanted to lash out after a Pitt game. The city's hookers are safe tonight. Wow, I feel, like this is a new beginning for me and the program."

--Way to go SK! Too bad Sunday night sucked.

"I know how to coach," says Big Dave

Boner Boy Reporting from the South Side:

Dave Wannstedt pulled into today's press conference in his golf cart and said the following:

"There will be no questions answered, just a few comments will be made in regards to this week's opponent in Louisville. #1, We will go back to the read & react defense. #2, Ron Cook is a loser. #3, I am going to run over anyone in my way."

FireDaveWannstedt.Com Traffic Takes A Hit

Welcome to Black Monday.

Pitt Fans still suffering from a Saturday hangover continue to email the Blue Panthers.

Their biggest concern?

Many are worried that the win against the Bearcats has temporarily stolen their

thunder. For a full 48 hours they were unable to continually parrot any of the following

phrases:

"He's a good recruiter but a terrible coach."

"Look at his record in Chicago and Miami."

"He needs to fire his coaches."

Don't worry- There's a new buzz phrase. It's only been said 45,098 times since Saturday and will soon be appearing on a 5 dollar t-shirt exclusive to Art Rooney Avenue vendors.

"He Should Always Coach in The Press Box."

Great Call. Funny, observant, and so true.

My final thoughts on tomorrow's game:

=

Tonight--Chopping Wood Eastern Style

Here comes Rutgas.....

Where are they now?

Boner Boy went out to Utah to look for former Panther recruit "Big Rig" Nate Hartung. And apparently, Nate just completed his 2 year mission. But the really good news is--Nate is transferring to the University of Pittsburgh. He doesn't have to sit out next season due to NCAA Rule #69TripleX. That rule states, "Anytime you weigh more than any student on campus, then you become eligible immediately," says NCAA President Myles Brand.

This is great news because Nate is going to room with Chase Clowser and Wayne Jones next season. When asked about the weight limit in Sutherland Dorm rooms, Pitt's Director of Housing, Jim Earle said, "No comment." Earle was a former associate AD under Steve Pederson at Pitt. Now he is in charge of making sure Chase cleans up his dirty undies.

Ok thats all the updates on the Oline this week from Boner Boy, but help is on the way.

Inside the Huddle with Paul Done

It's been a difficult year with the loss of offensive tackle Jason Pinkston. "Jason was really coming on in 2007 and now I am on the hot seat because he is out for the year," said Oline coach Paul Dunn. Mike McGlynn has taken over at tackle for Jason, but according to our sources on the South Side, look for major changes this weekend. Chase "I never won a race" Clowser is going to see some time on Saturday. Possibly even start. Hangman checked with his sources at the Original Hot Dog Shop and apparently it's true.


They have seen Chase working out in the restaurant 4 nights a week. "Chase has really made a big effort this week and I am sure all the fans will notice on Saturday," says Coach Dunn. Time will tell, but Hangman and B-sqaured are pumped up to finally watch one of their favorite players get the chance on Saturday. Somewhere--Tom Freeman is smiling....

Pre-Game Speech--by White Powder

The River City Rivalry comes to town this weekend. Its also known as the who cares game of the week. But one guy that does care, is long time Nordenberg friend and supporter of Pitt--Jeff Habay. He is actually going to do the pregame talk in the locker room. Just look out if you see white powder.

BREAKING B-SQUARED NEWS

Wanny and Nordy had a good meeting according to my sources on the South Side. After a long walk/ride down the river walk, Nordy gave his full support to Wanny today. He asked Dave where the program was heading and our camera guys got a picture of his response.

Welcome To Saturday

Trib:
After missing Tuesday's practice, Wannstedt got around Pitt's offices Wednesday on a motorized scooter and watched practice from a golf cart to keep his leg elevated. //



BP: Support Wanny, take a scooter to Saturday's tailgater. There will be more than enough room to ride around Stevie P's corporate lot. Also expected to attend: 3 toothless Alco guards, a drunk ticket scalper, a kid selling candy bars, and a fat chick handing out Post-Gazettes.







Note: Primantis Ass is welcome too.

Today's Fill Copy Award for not going out on a limb while writing something in a Larry King style that will be trumped by whatever happens next year anyway:

The Valley Independent
The way the Panthers have been playing lately -- with four straight losses and the meat of the schedule coming up -- I'd be surprised if Wannstedt is still on the sidelines when Bostick and McCoy are seniors.

The Poltergeist

Looks Like Wanny will pull the Poltergeist (a.k.a JoePa) this Saturday.

BP is tickled just thinking about Dave peering through the press box
window at us while we're bent over the Cincy spread offense.

It's Official--Bob Smizik is in Love with Marky Marc Boehm

BONER BOY REPORTS:


Program needs more than just a caretaker
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
By Bob Smizik, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
The challenge in front of Jeff Long when he was named Pitt's athletic director in May 2003 was an enormous one: Succeeding Steve Pederson, the dynamic visionary whose imprint on Pitt athletics was historical.

It was Pederson who had the courage to tear down Pitt Stadium and move the football program to Heinz Field and the South Side complex. It was Pederson who reached beyond the talk and got the Petersen Events Center built.

There was no way Long, who left Pitt yesterday to become athletic director at Arkansas, or anyone could duplicate Pederson's success.

If only he had tried.

It's usually foolish to attempt to speculate on a successor. Whoever it is, it probably will be a person no one in Pittsburgh has as heard of -- as was the case with the enormously successful hires of Chuck Noll, Jim Leyland, Bill Cowher and Ben Howland.

But here are two names that deserve serious consideration.

Donna Sanft was named the interim athletic director yesterday. This is no cosmetic hire. Sanft, the senior associate athletic director for administration, student life and compliance, is hugely respected. Her title indicates she has a broad variety of experience. She was a standout athlete and coach at Pitt in gymnastics before becoming an administrator.

Mark Boehm, who was the interim athletic director before Long was hired, also should be considered. When Boehm was passed over, he followed Pederson, his mentor, to Nebraska. Although Boehm was in charge for only a few months, both Dixon and Berenato were hired on his watch. He was Pederson's key lieutenant at Pitt and a man who knows his way around college athletic administration.

Surely, Pitt will look beyond the obvious. It must. The next athletic director needs to be the best person, not the person most available. These are critical times in college athletics and critical times at Pitt. There should be no rush. Haste would be a mistake. But a larger mistake would again be picking the wrong person.

First published on September 12, 2007 at 12:00 am
Bob Smizik can be reached at bsmizik@post-gazette.com.
EmailPrint

The Real Reason for Pete Cost Over-runs

LOOK AT THE MAN ON THE FAR RIGHT--JERRY COCHRAN AKA THE GRAVE DIGGER OF PITT FOOTBALL

The Forgotten Victims

While the Smiler plots a comeback, BP would like to take a minute to remember the forgotten victims.

The public rejection of them was an early indication that Steve was a man capable of gross miscalculation.

Ultimately, his sick obsession forced us all to take a closer look at the man behind the smile.

Who could ever forget the ultimate in lame?

Yes, Bubble Boy.
Are you kidding?
True story: Boner Boy nearly attacked a hobo after seeing this freak.

Lil Red. Big Dildo.

Then there's this gem.
Herbie Husker. Recently convicted of felony assault.

Finally, the worst yet.
Steely McBeam aka Cleveland McSteamer.